Dear Angel
by Ellie.LP
Summary: I struggled to take another step. My body was still weak from giving birth three days ago and my feet hurt from walking all the way up there. But the pain in my heart was so much greater than that. (Sequel to Far From Home)


**Hi everyone!**

 **The truth is I never imagined Esme's change. I was more interested in her newborn year but when some of my amazing reviewers in Far From Home asked for it I felt I owe it to them to give it a try to say thank you. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: Can I add a "I don't own twilight." part to my profile so I don't have to say it every time?**

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 **Dear Angel**

 _Dear angel of mine,_

 _Where do I start to express how I feel?_

 _Well, my love's gone blind._

 _Now all that I feel is what I hear._

 _Your words rip and tear,_

 _Through my heart so weak and pure._

 _Now, I find myself wanting to die…_

 _I bleed for the second time tonight_

 _Holding all that's in my mind._

 _If only my love could be with you._

 _If only this pain, this pain die too!_

 _I'll break you away, away, away from me._

 _As I sit here alone_

 _Thinking about everything that you said._

 _You know since I'm alone._

 _Well, maybe after all, I was better off dead._

 _Cause without you my life's gone down._

 _What do I do, when I find myself wanting to die?_

 _I bleed for the second time tonight_

 _Holding all that's in my mind._

 _If only my love could be with you._

 _If only this pain, this pain die too!_

 _I bleed for the second time tonight_

 _Holding all that's in my mind._

 _If only my love could be with you._

 _If only this pain, this pain die too!_

 _I'll break you away, away, away from me._

 _And I don't know…I'll break you away!_

 _Said, I'll break you away, away, away from me._

April Sixth - "Dear Angel"

 **1921, Ashland**

 **EsPOV**

I struggled to take another step. My body was still weak from giving birth three days ago and my feet hurt from walking all the way up there. But the pain in my heart was so much greater than that. I looked up to the edge.

 _Just a few more steps. A few more steps and it will all end. The pain will stop and I will be with you_ , I told myself, somehow feeling like my son could hear me. My grandmother always said the spirits see us and hear us. And I wanted to believe her, because the thought that my son was somewhere looking at me, waiting for me, was all that gave me the strength to walk. All I had to do was walk to the edge and let go. Then I could be with my son forever. Maybe he was with angels now watching me... Angels... With that word my mind filled with memories, images. Images of a certain person from my past. Doctor Carlisle Cullen... Carlisle…

Oh, Carlisle... where was he now? What was he doing? Ten years had gone since I last saw him, after I spent five days in his care in the hospital... the best five days of my life.

There was just something about him. Something different. Sure, he had a god-like face and the kindness of an angel, but it was more than that. It was his eyes. Those mesmerizing golden orbs that were as deep as an ocean and as calm as a lake in a warm summer day. Deep inside those eyes, there was a secret, sadness, pain. But they still sparkled every time he came to see me.

Carlisle reminded me of the paintings of saints and angels on church walls. And to me he was one. He was the only person who listened to me like he cared. And when he listened he didn't think I was foolish. Carlisle was the only person who wanted me to have all that I dreamed and he barely knew me. And I loved him for that. Even though I was only sixteen, even though I knew he didn't see me like I saw him, and even though I knew I would never see him again, I loved him. I carried that love in my heart every second, every day, for ten years. The hope that he was out there and maybe I could find him again got me through the pain of that miserable marriage. I wondered what he would think of me if he saw me now. I was broken. All those dreams were long forgotten. I was dead inside. I was just a shell with no shred of hope or a glimmer of light to guide me. Once I step over that edge this shell will be gone too and I will finally be free.

"Carlisle, I know you can never hear me, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being who you saw in me. For not being stronger then and for not being stronger now, but I just want the pain to stop," I whispered to the wind, and with that I took one last step and let myself float into oblivion.

 **o)O(o**

 **CPOV**

I finished my rounds and went to my office to grab my coat. I was anxious to go home. Even since this morning I had a bad feeling, a knot in the pit of my stomach like something bad was about to happen. As a man of science I blamed it on stress from work and tried my best to ignore it, but it only got worse. I had to go home. I had to see if Edward was fine. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to calm down.

I mumbled a goodbye to the nurses and basically jogged down the stairs. That was when I smelled it. Blood... lots of blood. It wasn't a strange smell given I was standing in a hospital, but that scent... I knew it. For most vampires blood always smells the same, like a delicious, enticing human meal. But to the doctor in me it wasn't the case. Each blood type with each kind of disease smelled different and this one... this one was something else. I had smelled it before and I remembered it vividly. Not only because I couldn't forget but also because I didn't want to. Because that scent, that person... that was the closest I ever came to losing control.

"She is as good as dead. There is no point in trying. Take her down to the morgue," I heard a doctor say.

"Yeah. A suicide with no family... I doubt anyone would mind," the other doctor agreed.

I clenched my fist in pain and anger. How could they do that? It was a human life! An innocent human! I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths I a feeble attempt to calm myself. I heard the coroner place her in the morgue and leave with the doctors. I looked around and no one was there, so I rushed down to the morgue with my vampire speed and snuck in. It was reckless, but I didn't have time to care. I could see her small frame under the blood stained white cloth. My throat burned like it was filled with hot coal. I prayed with all my heart that it wasn't her. That somehow by some miracle I was mistaken.

My hand shook as pulled the bloody cloth from her face. I gasped and stepped back in shock. This wasn't her. I mean, of course she was, but it wasn't the girl that I remembered. The Esme I had in my memory was a beautiful vibrant girl, full of hope and life. This... this woman she had gowned into was still beautiful, even more so, it was obvious even covered in all the wounds and bruises and blood, but she was broken and not just physically. Suicide with no family... that was what the doctor said. Suicide and Esme weren't two words I could fit in one sentence. Why? What could have possibly happened that drove such a joyful and inspiring person to this? I guess I would never know now... but no. There was still time. Her heart was still beating. Her injuries were beyond any human clinical treatment but there was something I could do.

"Don't do this, Carlisle. You can't go around biting every patient you feel an attachment to," a rational voice said inside my head.

"She isn't just anyone. She doesn't want to die," I reasoned myself as I leaned down closer to her neck. The burning in my throat increased terrifyingly. It was worse than it was with Edward.

"Listen to yourself. She is a suicide victim! Of course she wants to die!"

"NO! Her body is all smashed up but her heart is still beating. Her heart is still fighting to survive."

I wiped the blood off her face. "I'm so sorry, Esme. But if there is even a small part of the girl I knew still alive inside you... I can't let her go. I'm sorry for the pain. It will fade soon. Then you will never feel that pain ever again. I will make sure of that," I whispered in her ear and sank my teeth into her soft flesh.

The burning in my throat was unbearable. The scent of her blood consumed me and the desire to taste it was stronger than anything I ever felt. It seemed like I was going to give in, but something kept me from falling over the edge. A face, laughter, a memory. I remember how it felt to be with her. That happiness, that peace and the possibility that I could have them, that _we_ could have them for all eternity, gave me the power to stop. Once I pulled away, I realized we were still in the hospital, and if she screamed that would be the end of us. In the blink of an eye I picked her up, wrapped her in a fresh white cloth, pressed her softly against me to cover her mouth and ran out the door.

 **o)O(o**

 **EsPOV**

 _Pain..._ How I hated that word, and yet my entire life was entwined with it. All I ever felt was pain. Pain of being ignored as a child, pain of being separated from the person I loved, pain of being the wife of a monster, and pain of losing my child, the only thing I ever had. I had thought that if I jumped then it would be over, but like always I was wrong. I felt every bone in my body break. I felt the cold water cut into my skin like shards of glass. I welcomed that pain thinking it would be the last of it, but it wasn't.

"I'm sorry for the pain. It will fade soon. Then you will never feel that pain ever again."

It was my angel who said those words. But he lied. It didn't fade. It just got worse, a million times worse. I wondered why he would lie to me. Then it hit me. Hell. I was in Hell. I took my own life and now I was paying for it. I would never see my baby again. I would burn here for all eternity.

 **o)O(o**

 **CPOV**

"YOU'RE INSANE!" Edward screamed. "HOW COULD YOU?"

He paced around the room as I silently sat by Esme and held her hand as she thrashed and screamed in agony.

"Weren't you the one who wanted to lay low? Not draw attention to ourselves?"

I didn't reply.

"WHO THE HELL IS SHE? DO YOU EVEN KNOW HER?" he screamed in frustration.

 _Esme_ , I thought without taking my eyes off her.

"Oh." That was all Edward said. He didn't need any explanation. He knew. He knew her from the numerous times I relived our memories in my mind and he knew I couldn't live with myself if I'd let her die.

Esme was squirming and screaming. I couldn't bear to watch her like that. I had to do something. I sat next to her on the bed and moved her body in a way that she was laying on me rather than the bed. I tried to comfort her with touches and words as much as I could.

From the corner of my eyes I saw Edward smile. I frowned. What was funny about this situation?

"Nothing you need to know about," he said, still smiling, so I kept frowning hoping he would give up and tell me.

"I won't, but I can tell that you holding her like that is helping."

My eyes widened. "You can read her mind too?"

 **o)O(o**

 **EsPOV**

Some people believe that Hell is not permanent. That once we pay for the sins we committed, we would be cleansed and find peace. They were right, because after what felt like burning for years, something ice cold touched my skin. And it was the best feeling I could have. The fire and pain were still there, but the cold made it a little numb. I could feel a cold hand holding mine. It felt like... it felt like Carlisle's hand. The cold gentle touch I promised myself never to forget. My angel was with me. I wasn't in Heaven yet, because the pain was still paralyzing and my baby wasn't there. But _Carlisle was_ , and every time I screamed he would squeeze my hand to comfort me.

After some time the pain died down, and I could actually hear what was going on around me. I could hear his steady breaths and his comforting words telling me it would be over soon. I felt like I was in a sea of pain, but his touch and his voice were like a floating plank in the sea. It couldn't save me completely, but as long as I held on to it, it kept me from drowning.

 **o)O(o**

 **CPOV**

Edward left me alone after confirming that he could hear Esme's thoughts, but refused to share them with me. So I sat there with Esme in my arms for three full days. Sitting still for a long time wouldn't tire a vampire, but it wasn't comfortable either. And besides my awkward position, Esme's squirming and squeezes on my hand were getting more and more painful as she gained her newborn strength. I remembered how my nails and fists dug into the ground as I scratched and pounded to stop myself from screaming, or how my teeth penetrated any object to the point I had to bite on a stone to stay quiet. I also remembered the most painful stage of transformation was the last stage, the stage Esme was in. Her screams got louder she thrashed and turned as I desperately tried to sooth her. It was almost like I could feel her pain too... unbearable. When it stopped so did Esme's heart. I wished I could hear her last heartbeats, but they were lost in her agonizing screams.

When the screams stopped, I gently separated from her and moved to the farthest corner of the room in full vampire speed. I didn't want her to wake up in that position. So I stood there and waited for her to open her eyes. As soon as my golden ones met those deep red orbs I felt something strange... like a part of me I had lost long ago was found again and I didn't even know it was missing. I stepped forward carefully and looked at her incredulous and confused face, and smiled.

"Hello, Esme."

 **o)O(o**

 **EsPOV**

The pain was gone like he promised. I slowly opened my eyes and I felt like I could go blind with light. The rays of light that I could see looked like miniature rainbows. The smell of flowers, woods and something else, something intoxicating, hit me. Everything was heightened, everything was beautiful, and just when I thought things couldn't be more breathtaking, I saw him walking to me whispering my name in a voice soft as velvet and sweet as honey. I smiled widely. Yes. Now I was truly in Heaven.

 ***THE END***

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 **As always thank you all for reading and a big thanks to my dear Cris for everything she did for this story and all the other ones. (Including convincing me to publish it. :D)**


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